I've hit that moment.

I knew it would come, just like I said in my last post.
I can't stop feeling like I messed up every single thing.
I don't have an actual best friend. Or at least, it really does not feel that way.
With my own happiness comes someone else being sad.
Me getting dirty looks gets that person a talk behind their back.
I hate who I am.
I hate that I care what people think about me.
I hate how I go to a certain extent to make me feel better about myself,
Or talk to "cool" people to make friends with the people who actually secretly hate me.
(Because I know they do, they just pretend to be nice. Don't lie.)
I hate how no one at school can just be friends without thinking,
"I bet she's a jerk,"
Before they even get to know each other.
Or how one girl will talk bad about someone else behind their back just because
They are jealous of their friends or their looks.
Most of all, I hate how all of this leads to the disappointment of my friends and my family.
I'm always letting people down, I just wish I could stop doing that.