Change happens so fast.

I'll spend my day today thinking about how stupid I am,
And how much I regret ever thinking or doing certain things in the first place.
Everything happens for a reason, yeah,
But you will always have regrets.
I just hate how caught up I get in things.
I haven't smiled since I left Kristina's house,
And that was just because I didn't want her family worried about me.

I hate this day more than anything in the world.
It makes me think of past things, present things, and what will be in the future.
I hate how I was beaming about this day just a week ago.
Actually, less than a week.

I'm off to clean and mope all day, unless my mom let's me do
Something with Aundrea.
Ha, she's my valentine and I'm hers.
At least that works out.
I hope your Valentine's day is better than mine.

Life's too short to be white.

Life's too short to care if your dishes are dirty or clean.
(What do you think life's too short to do? (: )

Anyways, my life is going pretty great nowadays.
Just a lot happening in it.
I haven't had the chance to do home work today, so I guess I'll be working on it all night.
I just drink some wonderful chocolate milk.
And accidentally squirted out too much ranch dressing to go with my chicken.
I really want a chocolate chip cookie,
So if anyone has one bring it to school or groundzero tomorrow for me!
I've been thinking about Valentines day a lot lately.
This is the first time I've ever actually cared about it.
Oh! I got a 91 on my math test.
That's the best I have done on a math test, actually.
So I'm more than happy about that.
I'm such a nerd...
Also, I thought I got an F on my science test,
But really it was one point away from an A.
My grades are finally comin back up again.
Things are finally settling down in my dramatic life.
I just try to take chances and have fun these days.
I wanna remember my life as lived to the fullest when I'm an old granny,
And when I am one I'll keep my "spunk" and run around tp'ing peoples houses and such with my cane and/or wheelchair.
Yes, if I have a wheelchair, I will carry a cane too.
Come on, everyone knows they're stylin.
Also I really wanna act in like...a play.
But I don't know where any places would be that I could audition for one?
Plus I would be nervous as poo.
Well, I'm gonna fix myself a bowl of fruity pebbles and get started on my home work.
Goodnight.
[:

For the first time,

I'm thinking this Valentines day won't be so lonesome like last year.
I finally have things working out...again.
Kristina and I made up.
We have figured this whole thing out.
I'm pretty sure...

I don't wanna wake up early tomorrow.
That'll take away this pleasant mood.
I guess I'll just accidentally sleep in. [:

I do have the sniffles and a wee bit of a cold.
I'll get over it though.
I have a math test tomorrow...
Wish me luck.
Goodnight world. [:

Nothing ever works in my favor.

I was wrong in my last post.
Today has been horrible.
All my hopes for anything at all have been taken away.
I just wish life was simpler.
That's not gonna happen though.
I freaking hate this.

This is the New Year I imagined.

I think God is doing things in my favor.
My grades are being pulled back up (kinda, they're better than they were.)
I am re-friends with one of my old friends.
He's like one of my closest friends ever.
My family...well...I deal with them.
I've always had just enough motivation to get by in life.
But for the first time in forever I can finally enjoy it.
[:

I've hit that moment.

I knew it would come, just like I said in my last post.
I can't stop feeling like I messed up every single thing.
I don't have an actual best friend. Or at least, it really does not feel that way.
With my own happiness comes someone else being sad.
Me getting dirty looks gets that person a talk behind their back.
I hate who I am.
I hate that I care what people think about me.
I hate how I go to a certain extent to make me feel better about myself,
Or talk to "cool" people to make friends with the people who actually secretly hate me.
(Because I know they do, they just pretend to be nice. Don't lie.)
I hate how no one at school can just be friends without thinking,
"I bet she's a jerk,"
Before they even get to know each other.
Or how one girl will talk bad about someone else behind their back just because
They are jealous of their friends or their looks.
Most of all, I hate how all of this leads to the disappointment of my friends and my family.
I'm always letting people down, I just wish I could stop doing that.

That's a shocker.

My life is completely and utterly unexpected.
Ha, that's a lie.
I really wish it was more exciting and "spontaneous."
I don't think spontaneous even exists in our world anymore though...
Everything anyone ever wants is all planned out on TV shows and movies.
So we have these ideas already in our head, and when it happens, it's just not as great.
Or, not as bad.
Because somewhere in the back of our heads we knew it was gonna happen.
Someday, sometime.
I just want something really great to happen soon.
Something to keep me smiling for weeks.
Something that won't let anything change the way I feel.
All the actions I've taken, or, haven't taken, I knew they would lead me here.
I knew this would happen.
It was screaming it right in my face.
And yet, I went on.
I know everything happens for a reason,
And I know I'll eventually find out that reason.
Another thing to expect.
So, for now, I'll just hold my head up high.
I know stupid stuff will come in my life,
And I also know good things will happen.
It's all just a repetetive circle.
But luckily, this is one that actually has an end.
And I'm expecting the best for the end.

I always hated confrontations.

I don't know how I will bear to tell him this.
I can't.
Then there's always someone else...
I want to tell him something.
He should know.

I hate stuff like this.
Someone always ends up getting hurt,
And it's always my fault.